


In Vino Vertias

by emotionalsupporthufflepuff



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: But good trouble, Dirty Jokes, Drunken Shenanigans, Fred and Draco causing trouble, Gen, In-Jokes, Not Canon Compliant, Swearing, unlikely friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:42:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24449047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionalsupporthufflepuff/pseuds/emotionalsupporthufflepuff
Summary: Draco and Fred become unlikely friends and celebrate each others birthdays
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16
Collections: Draco’s Birthday Bash Mini Fest





	In Vino Vertias

**Author's Note:**

> Canon Divergence: George is the twin who dies at the battle of Hogwarts, not Fred.

When the dust settled after the second wizarding war and the wounds became old scars and the battle stories became picked over and embellished legends, Fred found himself alone, truely alone for the first time. Physically as he had no real interest in dating beyond the odd pain-numbing shag, and mentally in his desire to not talk about the war, to not brood on past events no matter how cathartic others promised it to be, it just wasn’t he wanted to spend his time doing.

And so he found himself isolated. Until one day Draco Malfoy wandered into the shop and bought an obscene amount of firecrackers, prank sweets, regular sweets, daydream potions, everything but Pervivian darkness powder it seemed. It took a minute but Fred eventually remembered why and mild anger flared in him. 

Then again, he wasn’t responsible for George’s death. If Voldemort hadn’t turned up on Malfoys doorstep it would have just been someone else. Another kid too young to be caught up in all this. 

Malfoy dumped all the stuff on the counters and fished out a heavy satchel that jingled full of gold. He tossed to the cash register and mumbled “Keep the change.” and loaded everything back into his arms again.

“Wait. Malfoy. What are you going to do with all that?”

Malfoy’s lip curled into the trademark sneer. “Can’t a wizard spend part of his endless fortune on stupid shit? Fuck off Weasley it’s all on the straight and narrow.”

Fred shook his head. “Not what I meant. I meant that it looks like a good time and I might have other stuff in testing to go along with it.” 

Malfoy’s cold gaze flicked over him. “Potter has to give some soppy speech at an award ceremony tomorrow. I’m required to attend ‘for appearances’ per my mother, so...I thought the occasion needed fireworks.” He shrugged “The rest leaves me room to improvise.” 

“Wicked. I have to be there too. I’m in.” a grin grew across his face. 

“In?” Malfoy thought about it for a moment “Alright. It’s better than being alone I suppose.” 

That became the motto for the tentative friendship.”It’s better than being alone.” Malfoy had no interest in talking about the past either, drank and swore like sailor on shore leave and funded all of all their adventures, lavishly, indulging any whim that came by. 

When Fred’s birthday rolled around in April, he shut the store for the day and locked himself in the apartment upstairs. Malfoy apparated in and stared at him, swaying slightly on the spot.

Draco held out a batter looking plastic challis glowing blue with Portkey magic. “Get in loser, I’ve got an empty Quidditch box and the Bulgarians are training, they brought Veela.” 

Fred huffed out a laugh.”Nah man, I don’t- “

“Did that sound like a request? If you don’t come I’m going to tell the Veela my name is Fred, give them your address, profess my undying love and sneak out in the morning.” He wiggled the cup in his hand. “Come on before I sober up. “

Fred had taken the chance and it had paid off to be one of the funniest and wildest birthdays ever. 

Naturally Fred had to repay the favor. 

_ June 5th _

"Get up lazy arse." Fred whacked Draco over the face with a pillow.

"I didn't do it, I have an alibi.” the blond sat up squinting at the ginger who was laughing at him. “How’d you get in my house, Weasley?” 

Fred tilted his head to the side. “Do you really want to know?”

“No, I don’t. Anyway I’m not going out tonight so fix whatever you broke to get in on your way out.” He snatched the pillow off the floor and jammed it over his head. 

“Get up! It’s your birthday! I had to ask around to even find out when it was. Don’t tell me you were planning on laying her all day wanking and moping about.” The ginger shook his head and pulled out his wand from his jeans pocket. “Let’s go Malfoy, everyone’s waiting. Oh,  _ Accio  _ trousers, I don’t need to see to your pale ferrety form, I got an eyeful during the fountain incident.” 

Draco pulled on the offered pants and summoned his own shirt. “I wish I remembered the fountain incident so at least knew why I’m banned from Trafalgar square for the rest of my life. Did you say everyone is waiting?” 

“I did. And I meant it.” 

“Where are they waiting and what for? Does this involve that test run for the verbal start fireworks?” he stepped into his shoes and then summoned a flask, shook it, and frowned. “Need to make a stop.” 

“They are waiting at the shop for you birthday boy.” Fred made the “come on” gesture. 

“Fuck no. I’m not sure how much you had to pay them all to pretend to like me but- “

“But nothing. You will go to my shop and you will talk to everyone for one hour. By then you’ll be so thoroughly buzzed off the punch you won’t know  _ how  _ to get home. Win-win.”

“And if I don’t?” Draco folded his arms across his chest. 

“Remember the married Veela from my birthday? I'll tell her husband how I got in. ” 

“For the record it was still worth it. Fine let's get this over with “ 

They took the Floo from the Manor to the Leaky Cauldron and started the long walk on the cobblestone street to the joke shop. Only a handful of people were out finishing there shopping for the day and going out to dinner. Fred artfully blocked the view of the  _ Daily Prophet  _ on display with an article titled _ “Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger call it quits!”  _

“You were going to spend all day pining over Hermione weren’t you?” Fred asked, muttering it out of the corner of his mouth. 

“I shouldn’t have ever told you about that. Fucking Tequilla ” Draco shook his head. “She wouldn’t spit on me if I was on fire. “

“Eh I wouldn’t be so sure. ‘Mione likes to adopt the ugly kneazle no one else will give a home if you what I mean.”

“Explains why she's’ with your brother. No offense.”

“No one was more shocked than me. “ Fred pushed open the door to the shop. “After you.” 

Draco looked into the shop and saw it was completely empty. “HA! great thanks. I get it no one likes me. You owe me a drink.” But when he turned around the door slammed shut and locked. Fred waved from the window and pointed behind him. 

Hermione Granger emerged from behind the counter with her hands folded in front of her. A pink blush tinged across her cheeks. 

“Surprise. Happy birthday Draco.”

Draco frowned and glared out of the window at Fred who stuck a copy of newspaper against the windowpane. “Just talk to her Malfoy.” 

“Gods...look, Granger, I’m sorry...for everything. Ever. I don’t know what that bastard told you - “ 

“He said enough. I trust Fred and he thinks we’d be good…” she tucked her hair behind her ear. “Hopefully this isn’t a prank.”

“It’s not, I would know by now…”

Hermione let out a shy smile. “So tell me what you’ve been up to these days Malfoy?”

Fred was motioning “go on” from the shop window. Draco smiles in spite of himself “Oh you know, hanging out with Fred, which is better than being alone I suppose.” 


End file.
